New Beginnings
by jillyfae
Summary: After Kirkwall, where is it safe for an exiled dalish apostate? The Wardens, perhaps, can offer Merrill another chance, if she is very lucky. Bethany/Merrill for a prompt request on tumblr.


"You could come back with me." Bethany's voice was soft. Not as sweet as she'd seemed, seven years ago, but still kind.

Kinder than Merrill deserved, she was sure. "Why?" Merrill turned, looking at the other mage, the sleek strong lines of blue and steel and dark smooth hair.

"You were there for my brother when I was gone. I should return the favor, I think." There was a shrug, and a darkness in her eyes, and Merrill could hear the rest of it, even if neither of them said it.

_Where else but the Wardens can an apostate stay now, a Dalish without a Clan, a former maleficar without a Circle? Certainly not in Kirkwall now, not after …_

Would it make Anders happy, to know his rebellion was forcing Merrill away from what little peace she'd tried to find, as well?

None of them had any peace left. Not now.

* * *

Bethany was a beautiful woman. Strong in her magic, strong in all the ways Merrill wasn't, not any more.

"You don't seem to hate me."

Bethany turned away from the horizon, her fingers tightening around the ship's rail for a moment in surprise. "I, don't, I mean … why do you think I would?"

"Most everyone does. Usually they're afraid of me. Or a very few are sometimes afraid for me, instead." _Hawke. Isabela. Varric. I miss them, already. But I don't miss that look they'd get in their eyes sometimes … _"You're not afraid."

Bethany almost smiled. "I was afraid of you, back when we first met. Afraid of your mirror, and your goals. And most definitely your methods. But I've grown up a bit, since then. Sometimes there's no easy way to do a thing, after all. No easy answers." She shrugged, her voice dropping to a whisper, the wind from the ship's passing almost sending the words away before Merrill could hear them. "Sometimes there aren't even easy questions."

Merrill pretended the bite of salt in her throat was from the sea air, not the hot prickle in her eyes. She slid a step closer, letting her fingers dance along the wood until they brushed against skin, feeling her hand settle on top of Bethany's, giving a gentle squeeze.

They both turned to look at the horizon again, waiting for the first sight of Amaranthine, their fingers resting together until the crew sent them down to their cabin out of the way when dusk finally fell.

* * *

At first the Wardens had been a cold and distant lot. Some basic training, some hunting of darkspawn with two other recruits, a farmboy who was strong enough to send an axe through a skull with one swing of his arm, and a woman thief who'd caught the eye of the Warden Commander by successfully picking her pocket. (Well, she'd made it three steps, anyways. That was further than most managed.)

Merrill watched the woman die after taking a drink from her Joining cup. The man had passed out, and it was only after he fell that she realized she didn't even know his given name, that they'd all been calling him Millerson, and she hadn't even thought to ask, she who always used to ask everyone absolutely everything.

It was strange, to feel so lost from her self, to not have her Clan resting in the back of her mind, no laughter of friends waiting for her at the tavern down the street. Not even Bethany's hand to pass her the Cup, as Bethany had gone to the City with a small group to run some errands for the Commander.

There was nothing left to do, and no one left to mourn her if she died. She drank.

* * *

They threw her and Drustan (she'd finally asked him his name, when they'd both woken up beside each other in the Warden's clinic, and he'd asked her about her tattoos) a party the next day. Apparently the Joining had a very poor survival rate, and it was customary _not_ to get to know the new recruits too well.

All reserve was gone afterwards, however, and she found herself swirling through the Great Hall, introduced to everyone all over again, each offering her a drink, or a dance, or a game of cards, or a warm bed, or at the very least a tumble in the hay from those who still slept in the barracks and couldn't promise a closed door.

Wardens didn't have to worry about pregnancy, or disease, (the Taint killed most everything else off), so they apparently never worried overly much about sex, either. Which rather made Merrill miss Isabela, and all the dirty jokes she'd never got, so she turned everyone down and pleaded tired feet and dragged her blankets off her bunk and found herself a quiet rooftop where she could hear the wind and see the stars and remind herself that this was a beginning, not an ending.

She wasn't very convincing.

* * *

Merrill woke to the brush of warm fingers against her cheek, and blinked herself awake enough to see Bethany kneeling beside her on the stone. Bethany stilled as their eyes met, and Merrill could've sworn she'd heard the other woman's breath catch, and if a member of her Clan had looked at her with eyes so dark and still and deep she would have invited the woman beneath her blanket in an instant.

But she was human, and Warden, and _Bethany_, and Merrill was used to being wrong when she tried to interpret humans, so she ducked her head to hide her blush and tried desperately not to babble.

She failed, of course, her "good morning" turning into a ramble about parties, and weather, and was she in trouble for sleeping on the battlements, oh, that was probably something she wasn't supposed to do, wasn't it, and -

Bethany laughed, a soft breath of air between them, and her fingers shifted to rest against Merrill's lips with a _shhh, everything is fine_, and Merrill knew she shouldn't, but she couldn't help it, and she kissed the fingers resting on her mouth.

"I'm sorry!" Merrill tried to push herself backwards as she heard the gasp of Bethany's breath, _I am such an idiot, doing the wrong thing again_, but Bethany's hand followed, twisting slightly until her palm was warm against Merrill's cheek.

_She's smiling?_

"You don't have to apologize, Merrill."

* * *

Bethany took her to breakfast, and then they picked up Drustan as well for a proper tour of the Keep, getting assigned mentors and having their names added to the duty rosters, and walking the guard routes along the walls, and then they saw the library, and finally the gardens, (Bethany knew her rather well, after all, saving the best for last), and then Drustan wandered off towards the stables and Bethany smiled, and took her hand, and Merrill almost tripped over the flagstones as they went back inside, as she realized the best hadn't remotely even started yet.

"Are you sure?" Merrill whispered softly, her toes digging into the edge of the rug spread across Bethany's floor, desperately afraid of the answer.

_You could have anyone, why would you choose me?_

"All that time spent in front of a mirror, and you don't see yourself at all, do you?" Bethany's voice was soft, her fingers gentle as she took Merrill's hand, but there was something hard in her eyes, dark and sure and determined.

That look made Merrill's knees feel weak, even as her stomach tightened and fluttered.

"You fight, and lose, and fight again." Bethany stepped in close, the warmth of her body making it difficult for Merrill to remember how to breathe. "You never blame anyone else for your trials, you always have a helping hand to offer, a kind word, an insight no one else could provide." Bethany's breath blew against Merrill's ear as she leaned in even closer, and Merrill shivered at the feel of it, heat and want making her toes curl. "_Maker's Breath_, you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

There was a scrape of teeth along the line of her ear then, and Merrill closed her eyes and mouth, leaning into the feel even as she keened in the back of her throat.

Bethany's breath caught at that, and Merrill couldn't help but think of all the times that had happened when they were alone together, the brush of fingers or a sudden look or an unexpected question, and wondered how she'd managed to misread it, each and every time, as anything other than an irresistible invitation.

Merrill didn't do so now, lifting her hands to pull on that heavy dark hair, tilting her head until she could meet Bethany's mouth with her own.

She shivered again at the first sweet light touch of lips, could feel the echoing shudder travel through Bethany's body as well.

Neither of them were content with sweet, not anymore, nothing that simple, Bethany's hands moved tight around the back of Merrill's heads as the kiss turned hard and deep, holding them together until they were almost light-headed from lack of air.

It was almost a race, after that, shoving each other across the room, the tug of hands on layers of cloth, a bruised hip from hitting the frame of the bed, a long thin red scratch down an arm when a sleeve hadn't cooperated, knees almost slamming together as they finally fell upon the mattress.

They kissed again, and again, Merrill's fingers holding Bethany's breasts, Bethany's thigh rubbing up between Merrill's legs, until they were begging into each other's mouths, _yes, yes, more, please_.

Bethany's teeth around Merrill's nipple made her keen again, only this time she threw her head back against the bed, mouth wide open as the sound escaped, loud and clear and triumphant.

The heel of Bethany's hand rubbing up against Merrill's clit made her breath stop completely, her body arching up into the touch again and again, desperate and fast and hard.

She slid her fingers up Bethany's thigh, between her legs and up inside her, curling them high and stroking deep, the feel of her hot and tight and perfect, feeling her clench tight, feeling her slick against her skin, feeling it trail down her knuckles and down into her palm.

"Maker, oh, yes, _Merrill_," the shake of Bethany's voice, the weight of her hand, the heat of her skin, it was all too much, and Merrill gasped as her body shook, eyes closed again as she moaned.

Her hand tensed as she came, and she felt Bethany follow, the tension of her body, the break in her voice.

I think I'm in love with that catch in her throat.

Merrill turned her head in towards Bethany's shoulders, the breath in her throat gone tight, her heart heavy in her chest. She didn't know how to say that, didn't know if she should, if it was too much, too soon, too … something.

Instead she pulled her hand free, savoring that catch yet again, the line of Bethany's throat as she moaned, the heaviness of her breath against Merrill's cheek. She knew she ought to leave now, ought to push back, roll away, _not too close, not too fast_, but she couldn't make herself move any further from that expanse of beautiful smooth skin, the curves of her hips and breasts.

Bethany sighed, such a pretty sound, her eyelashes shifting against her cheeks as she opened her eyes and smiled, and somehow they were kissing again, slow and heavy and Bethany's tongue was in her mouth and Bethany's arms were wrapped around her, and Bethany's breasts were heavy against her own smaller ones and Bethany's smell was covering her skin, and _Creators_, she'd never felt so warm and soft and perfect.

"Someone," Bethany whispered, even as her arms tightened, even as her hips shifted across the bed, trying to settle them both, "someone will, undoubtedly, come pounding at my door at any moment because of something ridiculous that needs my immediate attention, or because dinner is ready and hungry wardens are a bad idea, or simply because they know I have company and that's not the sort of thing teammates can resist bothering you about … but hopefully we can manage a little time until then, yes?"

"Yes?" Merrill lifted her head, just a little, feeling herself smile as she heard that catch of a breath when Bethany met her eyes. "Oh yes." She wriggled her way a bit further down the bed, wrestling a blanked up and over the both of them before resting her head beside Bethany again, her fingers sliding between them until she could wrap them around Bethany's hand. "And next time, we shall make sure we have plenty more time, then?"

Bethany managed to blush and smile and nod all at once, and Merrill laughed.

Until next time.


End file.
